I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls

It is no secret that Kat Stratford was a hero of mine when I was in high school.  And no, it isn't just because she got to kiss Heath Ledger.

I longed to respond to a guy, "Sweating like a pig actually, and yourself?"  I aspired to have someone say about me, as they did Kat, "Heinous bitch is the term used most often."  I wanted teachers to say to me, "Yes, Miss I Have An Opinion About Everything?"  Okay, well those last two were kind of true.  But I never got to call Hemingway "An abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers."  I never kicked anyone in the balls.  And my father never asked me, "Made anyone cry today?"